M.Sc. B.A. Relate Cert C.C.
Registered Counsellor BACP & UKRC
Coast Road, Rhyl, LL18 3PL
07551 529 386
Trust gets fractured when an affair is uncovered.
Whether an affair is uncovered in a traditional way e.g. telephone number or receipt in a pocket or with today's technology advances via Emails or social networking sites the impact is similar.
People trust in intimate relationships in their own individual way and people have different meanings and ideas about what breaks trust.
The betrayal breaks individual trust but also hope dreams and expectations.
People sometimes describe an affair as a "blot" on their "picture of trust and intimacy", which cannot easily be removed.
Conversations about affairs can be difficult for a couple. The partner who has had the affair often finds it difficult to talk about as their partner has fees so hurt and they often want to talk about how to move on. The partner who hasn't had the affair often wants to know "why" and feels stuck there.
Finding a balance of understanding of how come it got to happen in your relationship and what needs to happen so it's unlikely to happen again, as well as understanding and reinvesting in the couple relationship is some of the counselling work involved.
Trust in a couple relationship involves reliability, predictability, honesty, loyalty, commitment and shared boundaries.
Counselling can help you understand why the affair happened.
Counselling can help you look at the triggers for and type of affair.
Affairs can often be a symptom of relationship problems rather than a cause and can occur for several reasons for example: to end a relationship, to maintain a relationship, for revenge, for attention, to avoid intimacy or to experiment.
They can be triggered by life crises or changes e.g. family bereavements, mid life, money worries as well as relationship problems.
Work can involve recovery from betrayal and helping your children cope with the news.
It may also help you look toward the future... whether that means reconciliation or separation.
Source After the Affair Julia Cole Relate Series